What I have been facing is fear.  Really, what I have been not facing is fear.  I have been in fear of my life--literally.  I am tired of consulting my guides and getting the same message, over, and over, and over again, "You can be who you are, when you decide to be that..."  I have never understood what it meant.  I still am not convinced that I fully understand what it means.  Yet I know in my heart there is something within me that wants to come forward.  I can feel the push.  I feel anxious every time that yearning emerges.  It is there.  I thought for the longest time that the reason it would not come out was because I was not worthy.  I now know that I was put here to bring my unique brand of light to the world.  I understand that not from any one thing that happened.  I am beginning to emerge quite slowly and gradually because of my experience.  I realize that I have something to contribute and the only person who can contribute what I have to contribute is me.  If I do not put forward my light, it will not come forward.  What am I afraid of?  I fear myself.  No one is better at holding me back than me.  I am nasty when it comes to fighting and arguing with myself. I recall that sickening feeling that I would get when going into a review that I know is going to be bad.  "What is that bastard going to say about me."  You know how it feels, when you anticipate bad news or a bad conversation.  Now magnify that feeling by 1,000.  Now you know how it feels for me to anticipate having to face my biggest obstacle--myself!  This is what I must do.  I must go foward.  I must close my eyes, swallow hard, take a deep, long breath, and walk through that door.  No matter what I face, it cannot be worse than what I will face if I don't move forward.  I can actually think of something worse than facing my deepest fears--facing my own depression.

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